The Timing of Life Lessons – Kidz on the Coast Dec 2016
As I write this today, Trump has just been elected and my eldest son today turned 17.
The leader of the ‘free world’ has a new President Elect. The first-born in our home is almost a man. I don’t know how either of these things just happened! Both have left me rocked and gobsmacked and a bit scared. Both set us down a course of nothing I’ve ever known before.
What do these two things colliding on the same day, sharing the same timing in history, possibly have for me as message and wisdom? I look to Father Time and the comforting patterns found in the evolving of life and love to soothe me.
Hopefully for both situations any extreme reactions will have met in the middle, we will have adapted to new environmental conditions and time has gentled and softened us back into a new normal. And, of course, yes it will, it always does!
By the time you read this, time will have elapsed, and a significant enough amount of time has softened the peaks of emotions you may feel whichever side of the political fence you found yourself. I am also well-conditioned to my ‘almost a man’ son driving, planning for Uni, with a job, in Year 12…..(but fingers crossed no distraction of a girlfriend yet on the scene). “Oh come on…I am still a bit of a hopeless cliché of a mother!”J
Regardless of the initial moment – doomsdaysayers are predicting instability and unrest, regressive policies and attitudes and or the rebellious classes that welcomed the departure from the Establishment, to embrace the winds of change and shifting of foundations…..the outcome was the outcome, and even with a new world order unfolding….the world continues and we adapt.
Whether an adaptation is forced upon us (by crisis) or chosen (by creation) it is amazing how the process of adaptation works the same. From the brink of any extreme we are eventually pulled back into centre and into healthy functioning by our own unique set of values and desires and motivations. Whatever the external conditions or situations beyond your control (& even though I have tried, I cannot arrest and contain my son’s growing up!), we will regulate our reality from within through our responses, our feelings and our actions, and these are remarkably predictable, based on our values and beliefs.
Humans will always be capable of adapting and creating a new normal. We are creative, adaptive and amazing survivors…..and the better we do that…..we become not just survivors, but ‘thrivers’.
The day my first child, first son was born, our lives changed. My orientation to the world and motivation for living and being significantly pivoted. He changed EVERYTHING. It really was quite shocking and scary…and I was in survival mode for a while….and then very quickly it became integrated and I adapted into this as my life and I returned to creating my life, our life, our home, my family, my work in the best way I could. In time, I returned to thriving, and so did he too.
Time does this. Time is both a brutal master and a gentle guru. Time rockets along, unrelenting and immune to our immediate joy, triumph or tragedy. Each day, each moment, each choice, each turn in the road has the capacity to change the course of our lives. And yet over time, some things endure unchanged and unchallenged by the ravages and brutality of the clock allowing us some ‘constants’ that we can hold onto.
Love remains as a constant. My core values remain as constant –values of family, education, goodness, service, respect and kindness. My belief in the world as a place of creativity, goodness, evolving, beauty and wonder remain intact too.
And son no.1? Well, even with the hurly burly of time speeding up every time I look at him, I am still looking into the same eyes I stared into with love and amazement on his first day on earth. I love him as profoundly and without question today as I did then. So too, his intrinsic character and traits have also endured – as he changes and grows, these things have remained as constant – curious, determined, unique, bright as a button, beautiful and infuriatingly his own self, beyond my control.
Much love, Sarah xx
Sarah Tolmie is a Life & Love celebrant, coach, pastoral carer and consultant assisting people to celebrate, navigate, grow and heal through all their life & love transitions. Her practice focuses on love & relationships; families & children; life success & fulfilment; illness, death & grief. As an holistic Celebrant Sarah creates profound and meaningful ceremonies for all life & love events. Sarah is also a Laughter Yoga Practitioner. You can visit her website www.sarahtolmie.com.au and receive her Daily Love updates on her Facebook page at Sarah Tolmie – Life & Love.
As a Life & Love holistic celebrant, Sarah creates profound and meaningful rituals and ceremonies for all life & love events – weddings, commitments, motherhood ceremonies, namings, funerals and memorials – as well as offering the education, support and ongoing guidance that envelopes these life transitions. Sarah is also a Life & Love coach, therapist and consultant assisting individuals, couples and families to celebrate, create, navigate, learn, heal and grow through all life & love milestones, transitions, changes, challenges and losses. Her practice focuses on love, marriage & family relationships; success & lifestyle & wellness & weight-loss; grief and loss, including coping with illness, dying and death. Her specialty is as a highly skilled Marriage Therapist. Her ‘Miracle Marriage’ principles and teachings offer a contemporary, real and sustainable approach for couples to repair conflict and expand and enrich their experience of life, love and intimacy in committed relationships and marriage. Her clinical training is in the Gottman Couple Therapy Method – a scientific and evidenced based framework with more than 40years of proven research and success.